


Just In Time

by easyliving



Category: Carol (2015), The Price of Salt - Patricia Highsmith
Genre: 1950s, Alcohol, Angst, Canon Relationship, Friendship, Hurt, Lesbian Character, Lesbian Relationship, Medication, One Shot, Romance, Substance Abuse, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt, self medication, suicide references, unsuccessful attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-05
Updated: 2020-09-05
Packaged: 2021-03-07 00:42:08
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,209
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26298091
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/easyliving/pseuds/easyliving
Summary: “I did think a lot about what would have happened to Carol if Therese hadn’t shown up. I did wonder whether, you know you hear about those terrible tragedies where the people you least suspect suddenly quietly su*c*de one day. And you think, ‘I had no idea that was going on,” and I think Carol’s sitting on so much stuff, I thought she might be one of those people.” - Cate BlanchettA one shot depicting what may have happened to Carol if Therese hadn’t come to meet her. As prompted by a lovely reader (credited in my notes).*** PLEASE READ THE TAGS AS THIS STORY CONTAINS SUBJECT MATTER THAT MAY BE TRIGGERING ***
Relationships: Carol Aird/Therese Belivet
Comments: 18
Kudos: 70





	Just In Time

**Author's Note:**

> “I've seen a fic where Therese never come back to Oak Room and Carol was so devastated that she took her own life. But I'd really like to read fic where Carol didn't go to the dinner at the Oak Room and just went home drowning all the alcohol to numb her sadness. On the other side of story, Therese went to oak room but couldnt find Carol ??? so she called Abby for her address. So it's like basically Therese arrived on time to save Carol from commiting su*c*de 😳 idk i just have this idea but I'm kinda busy to try writing it heheheh ((and idek if im any good at writing)) But yea thats my suggestion :)))))” - namifdez

[Carol]

After Carol’s meeting with Therese at the Ritz, she barely had the strength or energy to go to her dinner at the Oak Room, but knew the event served as one last opportunity for the young photographer to change her mind. She was determined to hang onto that last shred of hope, considering their reunion had not quite gone as planned. As Carol sat among her friends at the Oak Room, she couldn’t shake the image of Therese and what had just happened from her mind. All she could focus on was the young woman’s guarded green eyes and her suddenly intimidating demeanour. Therese had never been like that with her before, she had truly changed and grown up over those months of them being apart. Carol had as well, her typically unwavering confidence and presence had been replaced by a vulnerability and fragility she hadn’t known before. She felt like she was spiralling and out of control, seeing Therese had been such a relief and comfort while simultaneously being heartbreaking as she questioned whether the brunette still had feelings for her or worse, had any to begin with. Maybe she had only decided to meet Carol out of pity, that she had moved on from the possibility of that relationship. Carol shuddered at the prospect of Therese being with anyone else, male or female. To know that someone else would be privy to the young woman’s dimpled smile, bell like laughter and strange yet wonderful outlook on the world. She felt nauseous imagining Therese becoming undone by anyone but her. 

Carol suddenly felt like she couldn’t breathe and took a gasping breath which brought her back to the present moment and reminded her of where she was. Thankfully, her other companions were too enraptured in the conversation that they didn’t notice. She silently adjusted her hair and took a sip of her wine, hoping the alcohol would help to calm her nerves. She knew it wouldn’t though. If anything alcohol always numbed her immensely and almost paralyzed her within herself. It served as a distraction though, allowed her to feel something other than her own crippling emotions and thoughts. From that moment on, she tried to engage more in the conversation, but found herself constantly looking towards the entrance. During some glances she could have sworn that Therese was there, that her pure desperation and desire manifested her into the room. As time went on, however, all Carol could feel was disappointment at the absence of the young woman. Therese had rejected her at the Ritz yes, but she thought she had seen something in her eyes. Something familiar that gave her reason to hope that they could still be together. Now Carol just felt foolish. Did she really expect Therese to just wait around for her? That she would just be automatically forgiven for the hurt she had caused her? Carol reminded herself that she left Therese in that hotel room in Chicago to wake up to the news that she wasn’t to return and further didn’t contact her for months. 

I’m horrible, Carol thought to herself. Therese had been the only light in these dark months, her only source of happiness and she had pushed her away. She thought about her past relationships and wondered if the reason they ended was always her. Her marriage with Harge hadn’t always been bad, there was a time when they were actually happy together. It had ended because of Abby or because of Carol’s decision to be with Abby. While that relationship had happened years before her marriage, it caused a distrust and disrespect between Harge and herself. Abby. Carol was surprised that Abby was even still around. She knew that her best friend would always have feelings for her and hold hope for them being together. The woman had demonstrated that she wanted to be in Carol’s life no matter the capacity. She was the most loyal and generous person Carol had ever known and knew that she was, whether she was aware of it or not, taking advantage of their history and Abby’s obvious lingering feelings. She had actually driven Therese back to New York just for Carol. 

The room felt hot and small all of a sudden and Carol started to feel suffocated. It was nearing midnight and she knew that there was no chance of Therese coming at this point even though it crushed her to admit it. Her friends seemed to think it was time to head home as well and everybody started to stand and say their goodbyes and get their things together.

“Do you need a ride Carol?” Jeanette asked kindly. 

“No, that’s fine thank you Jeanette,” Carol said as she plastered a smile onto her face, “It’s not too far of a walk, also I’m craving some fresh air.”

Jeanette placed a hand on Carol’s forearm and squeezed, “We’ll see you soon?”

“Of course,” Carol said, however, she couldn’t ignore the sinking feeling within her that made her feel like she was lying. 

After a couple more handshakes Carol quietly paid the bill for the table then disappeared out of the Oak Room and onto the streets. As she looked around she half hoped to see Therese there waiting, but there was no one. With a heavy heart she started to walk to her apartment with an overwhelming need for another drink. 

\- - - - 

[Therese]

While Therese had felt quite confident during her conversation with Carol, the bravado had completely vanished the minute she arrived at Phil’s party. She felt small and young and afraid, not unlike how she was a couple months ago working at Frankenberg’s where she had met Carol. Carol. Somehow everything led back to Carol. 

Therese tried to shake the image of the blonde beauty from her mind and focus on the party and the people around her. She managed to track down Dannie and Phil and talk to them both briefly, but was soon left alone as the brothers broke off into different areas of the apartment. Therese was an introvert at heart and didn’t feel insecure in her own company. She was able to be alone and be comfortable in that whether that be in her own space or somewhere unfamiliar. At this party, however, she couldn’t help but notice that she was in an apartment full of people, but felt like she was the only one there. This made her think back to that night with Carol in Waterloo, before everything had turned for the worse. How she had told her that she had spent many nights alone in crowds. Tonight was one of those nights. Save for Dannie and Phil, the other guests were people Therese had only been acquainted with briefly or that she didn’t know at all. She found herself in multiple conversations that night with various people and insanely disinterested. She figured that being around people that made her feel alone was worse than actually being alone. At least in solitude she was able to feel like herself, like she wasn’t sacrificing a part of herself to seem likeable or palatable. 

Carol had never made her feel alone. When they were together it was almost as if they were the only two people in the world, that they were the world itself. Nothing else seemed to matter when she was with Carol, she felt like she was able to do anything and ready to take on whatever. There was a comfort in what she had with Carol, but also an excitement and unexpectedness. Their lives together would never be boring, they would find adventure no matter what they did, Therese was sure of this. 

Tonight at the Ritz Carol had given Therese every opportunity. She had presented a future for her, for them that Therese had thought only possible in a dream. It was the future she imagined for the two of them at the beginning, from when they first met. And she had turned it all down without hesitation. She didn’t know what made her do it. Perhaps it was because Carol looked so vulnerable, so broken and at her mercy. She had never seen the woman like that. She had no intention of being cruel or hurtful, but part of her needed to know that Carol cared for her. That Carol too had imagined a life together even during those awful months apart. It gave her a sense of power to know that she was the one who held all the cards and would determine the outcome of the interaction. Thinking back to it now she knew she made the right choice, however, that didn’t mean that she didn’t want Carol. And that she didn’t love her as well.

Therese felt startled all of a sudden, as if a match was lit within her and a fire started to burn. She knew now. She’s always known. She wanted Carol and only Carol. In a matter of moments she was out the door and hailing a taxi to the Oak Room. As she quickly approached her destination she felt an excitement bubble within her. She glanced at the time on her watch and internally pleaded that she wasn’t too late. When the taxi parked, Therese all but threw several bills at the driver then hurried inside and past the host who frantically tried to stop her. 

She entered the dining room and searched through the space, trying to spot a specific golden haired head. The room was starting to thin out, but there were still enough people to make Therese’s search a difficult one. A gnawing feeling grew in Therese’s stomach as she realized that Carol was not there. She had left. Therese wondered if she had even come at all. Perhaps Therese’s rejection had been the end of it for her. 

She turned to leave the dining room, but spotted a public phone nearby. She fished out some change and dialed a number that had become very familiar to her over the past months. She waited anxiously as the line rang and rang, then was finally picked up. 

“Hello?” Therese was greeted by the sound of Abby Gerhard’s voice. 

“Abby,” Therese breathed. 

“Therese? Is everything alright?” Abby sounded concerned. 

“Not right now, but it could be,” Therese said, “Do you have Carol’s new address?” she asked desperately. 

“Didn’t you meet with her tonight?” Abby inquired. 

“Yes and I made a huge mistake and I need to fix it. Please Abby.”

There was a moment’s pause and then, “Do you have a pen?”

Therese breathed a sigh of relief as Abby read out the address, “Thank you so much,” she said. 

“Your welcome,” Abby said genuinely, “Therese?”

“Yes?”

“She needs you. Whether she says so or not. I don’t think she has it in her to lose you again,” Abby’s voice wavered slightly. 

“She’s not going to.”

\- - - - 

[Carol]

The moment Carol had entered her apartment she shed her coat and shoes and headed towards her liquor cabinet. She pulled out a glass and a bottle of whiskey and poured herself a very full glass which she consumed in a matter of seconds then refilled. She took the bottle and the glass over to her living room window that had a padded bench beneath and sat down. She looked out over the city lights and felt her posture slacken. As she nursed her drink she felt hot tears brim at her eyes and start to spill over her cheeks. Soon enough, she couldn’t stop them from flowing as she felt an aching loneliness and heartbreak deep within her that made her feel hollow and empty. She was so used to maintaining a sort of impenetrable facade around herself that was completely gone now. She felt physically and emotionally drained and increasingly more numb as she continued to drink. 

Therese hadn’t shown up. A part of her knew that she wouldn’t, but she had to hold onto some sort of hope to get her through the night. And now that night was over. Carol couldn’t help but feel defeated and lost. These past months had sent her into a pit of darkness with no foreseeable end and Therese had been the glimpse of light at the end. Now Carol felt like she was free falling again. Out of control and all alone. She felt like it was never going to stop and she couldn’t handle it anymore. Not alone at least. 

Rindy was with Harge full time and Carol didn’t think she would be able to be a constant presence in her daughter’s life for the foreseeable future. She hadn’t seen her at all since the divorce proceedings were finished and wondered if she would even be granted regular visits. Her sweet daughter would have to grow up without a maternal figure in her life and Carol knew that Harge’s parents would most likely poison Rindy’s opinion of her over time. At the present moment, Carol genuinely thought it was for the best. What kind of example was she setting for the young girl? She was a shadow of her old self, not that who she was prior to these recent events was someone who was entirely happy and fulfilled. Carol felt like a failure. She had failed at being a wife, a mother, a friend and now a lover and a partner. There was a time in her life where she felt like she could attain anything or anyone she wanted, now it felt like the whole world was against her. She was just one, small, unspecial and insignificant person in this huge city. 

Carol looked down at her glass and saw that it was empty. She filled it again and emptied it again in a matter of seconds. At this point she couldn’t even taste the alcohol or feel its effects, but felt compelled to keep on drinking. She lost track of time and soon found herself pouring from an empty bottle into her glass. She couldn’t remember if the whisky had been full when she got it from the cupboard, but did not dwell over the fact as her thought process had become heavily impaired. Carol felt her consciousness fading out and her vision start to blur. She knew she should stop and go to sleep. That with the amount of alcohol she had tonight she would probably sleep dreamless for hours and hours to come. Somehow, forever, this knowledge wasn’t enough to satisfy Carol. She wanted to sleep forever. She didn’t want to wake up another day and life this life, if you could even call it that. It was a half life that she was living. One without happiness and love and excitement. 

The blonde fumbly rose from her spot by the window and promptly fell onto the hardwood floors. Carol knew she was drunk, but she also didn’t care to exert any further energy. The side of her face made contact with the cool surface and she laid there, her eyes slowly glazing over and staring into nothing. In this moment she felt an overwhelming sadness and loneliness wash over her that almost overpowered the influence of the alcohol. All Carol could focus on was that she felt frozen, almost paralyzed in her current position. 

The young angel-like woman with the alien green eyes appeared in her mind. Therese. Therese, who she would probably never see again, and yet she was the only person that Carol wanted there with her. Something instantly broke within Carol and the tears started to flow out again. Carol didn’t stop them, her face was otherwise impassive and unmoving. It felt as though her spirit and heart had been completely shattered and that there was no way to mend them. Carol lay there in her living room in a growing puddle of her own tears, still and emotionless. She wondered if she would ever leave that position or if anyone would ever come to find her. Carol closed her eyes firmly and tried to concentrate on nothing, on silence in hope that the two things would find her quickly and peacefully.

\- - - - 

[Therese]

After her phone call with Abby, Therese had immediately run out of the Oak Room and onto the city streets to hail another cab. She felt a determination and desperation grow within her as she got into the vehicle and gradually got closer and closer to where Carol was. She needed to see her and tell her how she felt and that she wanted her and wanted to be together, but she also felt an alternate sense of purpose deep within her. Somehow Therese knew that something was wrong and that Carol was in trouble somehow. 

She wondered if she was overreacting. Carol was a grown woman, an adult. She was able to take care of herself and had shown that she could overcome hardships. She wasn’t like Therese. Carol was sure of herself, confident, decisive and assertive, Therese knew this. But for some reason, doubt lingered within her. Her conversation with Carol tonight had been uncomfortable and tense for many reasons, but the woman had looked so unhinged and afraid. She looked like a completely different person, not the woman that Therese had gone on that road trip with. Therese knew that Carol had a complicated life and past, but she couldn’t be sure of how much the woman was actually sitting on. Carol had a mystery and an impenetrable presence about her that made her alluring, but also incredibly confusing. Therese didn’t know how much of that was genuinely her or plainly an act as a means to conceal her true emotions. 

When the driver stopped in front of a grand apartment building on Madison, Therese all but exited the vehicle while it was still moving after paying her fair. She was stopped briefly in the lobby by the front desk staff, but after creating a loose lie about her connection to Carol, was on her way up in the elevator. During the ride, her adrenaline rush was calmed momentarily as she registered where she was. Carol had asked her earlier that night if she wanted to live with her. The plans and future that Therese had wanted for so long was finally a reality and something she was privy to. She was about to enter Carol’s new apartment; it was a new home for her, yes, but also a fresh start for the woman away from Harge and her past life. Therese knew how much it meant to Carol and how much she probably wanted to share her newfound independence with somebody. Therese had needed Carol to know that she wasn’t going to be emotionally available to her without cost, but now that she knew Therese was ready to embrace a life together with open arms and an open heart. In their time apart she was able to grow and feel empowered and independent, however, that time was still dreadful and lonely. Therese no longer wanted to feel lonely or be around people who didn’t value or appreciate her. And after tonight she knew implicitly that Carol wanted her and loved her. 

Therese exited the elevator and sped past the several units before reaching the one Abby had informed her of. Standing there, Therese suddenly felt shy and uncomfortable. How was she supposed to go about this? Would Carol even want to see her after she had been rejected several times? Would she even be there? She took a deep breath and raised her hand to knock, but noticed that the door hadn’t been shut securely and was slightly propped open. Therese felt her pulse start to race as she pushed the door open and attempted to quickly prepare herself for what was to happen. 

The apartment was dark, almost pitch black. Under different circumstances Therese may have thought that Carol wasn’t there, however, the open entrance was a clue as well as the light that was spilling into the hallway from underneath the closed door to the bathroom. As Therese walked further into the apartment she saw that Carol’s shoes, coat and handbag had been thrown haphazardly across the floor, which seemed very unlike her. Therese squinted in the darkness and made out the furniture of the living room, her eyes immediately drawn to the empty liquor bottle and glass that had been left behind by the window. 

This was deeply concerning to Therese who rushed towards the bathroom, “Carol?” she called out.

There was no response, “Carol?” she called again, raising her voice. 

Still no response, but Therese heard slight movement on the other side of the door. Her fingers found the handle and she thrust it open to be quickly confronted with one of the most disturbing sights of her life. 

Carol was in the bathroom. She was here, but not in the condition Therese thought she would find her in. She was huddled in the corner by the tub, her posture slackened and her hair and clothes a mess. It looked like the only reason she was sitting up was because she had propped herself against the tile and side of the bathtub, she otherwise looked completely shattered. Therese could smell the alcohol off the woman even from the doorway and could tell by Carol’s face and body language that she was heavily intoxicated and close to unconsciousness. Therese felt shocked and like she wasn’t fully able to register the sight in front of her. This went away when her eyes landed on the non descript bottle of pills that rested on the bathroom sink. 

Therese felt the air escape her lungs and she rushed over to the woman, who seemed not to be aware of her presence. She knelt down to face Carol and cupped the woman’s face with both of her hands. When she got a closer look she could see that Carol was silently crying and that her face was colourless and pale. Therese was trying so hard to be strong, but the sight broke her and she too began to cry. 

“Carol…” she said, almost as a plea as she felt her face grow hot and sweaty. 

The blonde’s head had started to drop and Therese desperately kept it upright with shaky hands. She felt like the woman was rapidly fading in front of her and she didn’t know what to do. She knew that she should call someone, but she felt rooted to her spot next to Carol. She didn’t want to leave her. She didn’t know how long the woman had spent here alone, drowning herself in alcohol and possibly medication as well. The thought made Therese simultaneously distraught and angry. 

“Carol. Carol. Carol,” she repeated over and over, “You have to stay awake. You have to stay with me. I can’t do this without you,” Therese said as she endeavoured to find strength in her voice. 

Therese couldn’t hear anything over the sound of her own hysteric crying. She closed her eyes and leaned her head back in defeat. She was alarmed when she unexpectedly felt a hand grab her wrist. She opened her eyes to see Carol looking right back at her and holding one of Therese’s hands that was cradling her cheek and neck. Therese went speechless for a moment and didn’t know how to react. Carol definitely wasn’t fully conscious, but she was aware now and looking completely exhausted, crushed and also slightly… relieved?

“Carol,” Therese breathed as she pressed her forehead against the other woman’s. 

Carol continued to cry, but she was no longer motionless. Her face had started to relax and create actual expressions, “You’re here,” she croaked, “Is it actually you?”

Therese laughed through her tears, “Yes it’s me. I’m here, I’m not going anywhere,” she reassured Carol and moved her hands to squeeze her shoulders. 

Carol started to smile, but pain and regret spread over her face instead, “I don’t feel well. I drank a lot. Too much. I thought… I thought I wanted to end it all. But I don’t. I really don’t. I’m scared Therese,” she said in a panicky voice. 

Therese felt her heart break into a million pieces at Carol’s confession. But her own emotions were not of importance right now. She needed to be there for Carol. Therese gestured to the bottle of pills, “Did you take any of those Carol?”

The blonde shook her head, “No. I was going to, but I didn’t.”

Therese breathed a sigh of relief, “Okay, good. But I think you still need to go to the hospital to get checked out. I’ll go call them,” Therese started to rise from her spot on the floor, but Carol grasped her hands firmly. 

“Don’t go,” she said tearfully, her eyes wide and afraid. 

Therese leaned forward and kissed her cheek, “I’m here, I promise. But I need to go get you some help. I’ll only be a moment,” she said. 

Carol nodded and Therese stood and walked towards the door. 

“Therese?” Carol called before she had left the bathroom.

Therese turned, “Yes?”

“I’m sorry,” Carol said. 

“Me too,” Therese admitted, “But I’m here now. We’re together and that’s how it should be. You’re not alone Carol. You never were.”

**Author's Note:**

> Tried not to make this too graphic, I think the implications and references were enough to give the general idea. Let me know what you think.


End file.
